"The girls are my own kin. If we didn't do it, who would?"

When Philip Tuer retired early, he had plans to travel the world with his wife. Instead, he found himself embarking on a very different journey, one that would see him become the primary carer for his two granddaughters.
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Kinship carer Philip

 

Now aged 72 and living in Carlisle, Philip is a kinship carer for his youngest granddaughter, aged 13. It is a role he never expected to take on, but one he has embraced with determination, love and resilience.

His granddaughters came to live with him and his wife because of their daughter's struggles with drug addiction and mental health issues. To ensure the girls could remain within their family, Philip and his wife became their special guardians.

"We'd just taken early retirement when my youngest granddaughter came home from hospital and came to live with us, and her older sister moved in with us a few months later at Christmas," he said.

"When I retired, my plan was to travel the world. I still haven't been round the world!"

Sadly, not long after becoming special guardians, the girls' mum passed away. Then, during the Covid pandemic, Philip lost his wife to bone cancer.

"After my wife died, from that point forward I've been a single grandad bringing up a child by myself," he said.

"Ending up as a single grandad raising a teenager in my 70s definitely wasn't in my retirement plans at all. But the girls are my own kin and I knew if we didn't do it, then who would?"

Like many kinship carers, Philip stepped in because the alternative would have been for his granddaughters to enter foster care outside the county.

Despite the challenges, he is incredibly proud of both girls and everything they have achieved.

"My eldest granddaughter got her degree as a mental health nurse, then took a part-time managerial job at McDonald's to support herself through her Masters in Psychology. She's now travelling around Thailand, Vietnam and Laos with a friend," he said.

"She has her head screwed on, knows what she wants and is very focused."

His youngest granddaughter is also thriving.

"She's very bright and clever and really likes English and reading. In fact, she was recently moved into the top set for English."

While raising a teenager on his own can be challenging, Philip says support from Cumberland Council's Kinship Care Team has made a real difference.

Through the service, his granddaughter has been matched with a foster carer who provides regular support and overnight stays.

"She takes her horse riding and shopping," Philip said. "It's been really nice for her to have another woman to go clothes shopping with, as she doesn't trust my judgement when it comes to fashion!"

Philip also regularly attends the Kinship Coffee & Chat support group in Carlisle.

"It allows me to talk to other people who understand what I am going through because they've been through the same thing," he said.

"I have a wide circle of friends, but I don't really want to sit with them and talk about my family and personal issues."

Having attended for almost two years, Philip now helps support carers who are new to the group.

"I always say to them, 'Don't be frightened of saying anything you want. You'll probably find that one of us around the table has been through something similar, if not exactly the same.' It's a safe space where people can be open and honest."

As Kinship Care Week shines a spotlight on the thousands of relatives and friends raising children across the UK, Philip hopes more people will become familiar with the term "kinship care" and the support available.

"My friends look at me blankly when I talk about kinship care," he said. "So it's really important to get the word out because there are so many of us doing this role.

"The other thing I'd say to anyone who has just become a kinship carer is that you're not alone. Come along to the support groups and meet other people in the same position. For carers like me, who don't have another adult at home or much support around them, those groups can make a real difference."